In today’s world, where media surrounds us everywhere we go, it is paramount to be prepared to educate ourselves and our children on this topic. At Green Meadow, parents have many conversations about media, often creating class agreements and supporting each other on this challenging and often uncharted journey.
Tom Davidson is a parent in the first grade, and he generously shared his notes on last year’s parent night titled Navigating the Digital World With Our Children. Please see below for helpful tips:
- Articulate your family’s values, the qualities you stand for – and back this up by weaving in expressions of your values in your daily life as a family. If, for example, you value time connecting all together, then build these moments into your rhythm. In your family, you, as the parent, decide where the child’s attention goes. Does it go in dedicated family time, quiet time, time for hobbies, or screen time?
- The speakers make the point many times that the digital world, of social media, games, etc is its own ecosystem, its own culture. You have to ask yourself, what kind of culture do you want your children to be a part of? Every culture has its own values that will be absorbed, consciously and subconsciously, by our children.
- Reinforce your values with familiar phrases, such as: “In our family, we only use our phones for messaging friends if we need to, or to respond to a work message, and so on. ”
- Share the impact that screens have on you. Model the impact: “I can’t stay on my phone too long, it hurts my eyes and head.” “Phones are just for organizing my work and play dates.” “Watching TV at night stops me from sleeping well.” “I like stories we tell each other rather than ones I watch on a screen. I feel closer to you that way.”
- Keep the dialogue open – be curious about their perspectives on media. Invite your children to share their experiences. Don’t just shut their curiosity down by saying that all media is bad; this will make them seek it out more! Engage them in discovering what media can mean for them. This is particularly important when our kids start being more exposed to media. We want them to be curious and critical consumers, and we can encourage this stance by embodying these qualities.
- Stay informed of the technology out there, what the children are being exposed to, so you can speak on their level and fill the knowledge gap between you and your child. Look at reviews of media using Common Sense Media.
- When your child is in middle school or older, share information on brain development and the impact of excessive media usage on the brain and body. Share how apps and online companies use our data and try to manipulate our attention.
- Adapt how you approach your child about tech depending on their age. Consider the governor, gardener, guide phases as developed by Kim John Payne.
- When it comes to sexual expression, share healthy expressions of love and affection in your family. Have the ‘talk’ about sex before your child is exposed to sex through pornography.
- Associate with other parents who share your values. Along with this, offer many nourishing ‘in-person’ ways to connect with others, and to express oneself, for instance, through hobbies, community groups, and so on. You want to make the three-dimensional world so much more vivid and satisfying than spending time on a phone or watching TV.
- Make it a regular habit to ask your child: “When did you feel most like you today?” Model it: “I felt like me today when I helped a mom breastfeed her new baby.” “I felt like me today when I went walking in the sunshine and spotted three chipmunks.” Reinforce a healthy sense of self that’s connected to other beings -to nature and the wider world, and to the child’s innate gifts. This builds a positive, well-rounded self-concept, and counters a tendency in the social media world to promote a one-dimensional, performative self that’s based on narrow and harmful definitions of what it means to be human.
- Set the rules. Never let a child keep a phone in their room at night, for example. Be clear about your values around technology usage. Tech can be used for entertainment, communication, and information finding. Define your relationship to each of these principal usages. Set clear boundaries for each category around what a child can and cannot do – and why.
- Offer moments each day for silence, reflection, down time, doing nothing so a child can down regulate from a more active day. Model this by joining them in their quiet time or by doing household tasks around them.
- Gradually introduce phones to older children, beginning first by having a text only/call only device.
- Speak to your school about their media literacy program. Learn about the content from the teacher so you can discuss it with your child.
Resources:
https://screentimenetwork.org/
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
